Old Hollywood
! You have been warned!]] Hollywood is the cultural capital for all liberals. It is also known as The Belly of the Beast, as it is a hateful and dirty place no American should visit without an army of protection. One day the San Andreas fault will crack it off like a brittle bone and cast this unwanted limb of the American body into the sea to be devoured by hungry Great White (Carcharodon carcharias) sharks. We should be so lucky. The Jews who live there make movies to turn everyone gay. No one knows why this is, but it's true, I read it somewhere on The Internets. Location Unfortunately, Hollywood is in the United States of America, despite Stephen's fervent protestations. Fortunately, it is located in the state of Cauliflower, about as far away from the rest of America as continentally possible. It brags about being "south of" The People's Republic of San Francisco, the capitol of Cauliflower, just to make people sick. Hollywood also sits on the most fragile portion of Cauliflower and will most assuredly fall into the ocean during the next earthquake. Hollywood is full of neither holly nor wood. It is located in the middle of geographical and moral desert. The Many Ways Hollywood Hurts America # Makes gay movies. # Jews make lots of money running each and every production company, and studio no matter how big or small it is # Ben Affleck can hide there undetected. # Gave Cher an Oscar. CHER! # Gave Barry Manilow an Emmy, denying Our Glorious Stephen what was rightfully his in the first place. Why, God, why!!! Barry Mani-lowwwwww!!! # Howie Mandel # Hollywood gives Michael Moore the tender loving care and truckloads of food he needs each day to survive, to make more movies slamming our president. How dare you, Hollywood. Why? No one knows why the Jews brought Hollywood over from that other place where they came from. But, scholars at Patrick Henry College, Bob Jones University and Liberty University are busily working to apply Republican Iraq Liberation solutions to the problem. Can I Watch A Hollywood Movie Without Turning Gay? No, no you can't. Every viewing of a Hollywood brings you that much closer to Gayville. Make sure any movie you watch has been cleansed by your Pastor/Republican Party Representative. Do All Commie Liberals Live On The Same Street in Hollywood? Yes, they do. Mexicans illegally cross the border for the sole purpose of selling maps of the Commie's homes. This hurts America, and makes The Baby Jesus™ cry. While the mere existence of Hollywood is bad for America™, at least they all live in the same place, making it easy to round them when Jeb Bush becomes President of the United States and shoots them into space or something. Hollywood Success Stories Some people are successful in Hollywood. By successful I mean that they make films that are neither gay, nor are they Godless. *Kirk Cameron *Willy Aames *Arnold Schwarzenegger *Jesse Ventura *Ron Silver *Britney Spears *Gavin Macleod *Ray Comfort *Cloud Ten Pictures *Heather Locklear *Kurt Russell *Kelsey Grammer *Ricky Schroeder *Stephen Baldwin *Kristin Chenowith See Also *Taxachusetts *Godless Sodomites *Bradley Whitford